Ask Nurse Darby: Mirror, Mirror on the Wall...Who is That?
Posted by Customer Care on
I am in my mid 40’s and seem to have “lost myself” if that makes sense. I used to be so outgoing and energetic. Now, I feel like every time I look in the mirror, I am seeing a stranger. Is it normal to feel this way? I want to feel better and be more active, but I just don’t know where to start.
A: Thank you for this question. As I thought about it, I found myself faced with several emotions and the realization that my perception of who and what I have become over the last several years has changed more than I thought.
I’m not sure why, but there is something about growing older that makes us women feel a bit uncomfortable. Perhaps it’s because we have heard people say men with gray hair look distinguished, but women with gray hair look old. Maybe it’s because no matter how many sit-ups we do, few of us look like that “Over 40 and Delectable” model on TV. Personally, I think we put so much value in what other’s feel “growing old gracefully” should look like that we don’t realize that is exactly what we are doing…... in our own way.
Because I work from home, there are days I consider it a major accomplishment to actually get dressed in something other than fresh pajamas before starting my day. Might I add, a messy bun is THE BEST EVER hairdo! But...
One day it happened. I looked in the mirror and there was some pale faced, messy hair, tired-looking stranger staring back at me. The funny, confident, “I’m ready for the next adventure” person that I used to be seemed gone.
So, like any good blogger, I went to social media and asked my followers to chime in with their opinions. Below are a few questions I asked and some of the answers I got from readers:
If you could go back to a certain age, what would it be and why?
While some women responded and said they wish they could go back to their 20’s or even 30’s, a surprising 7 out of 10 of the women who responded told me they were happier with themselves after they reached their 40’s or older. The consensus of that group seemed to be that, although physical changes, such as the beginning signs of wrinkles and graying hair is more evident, a truer sense of “self” was more present.
My friend, Tammie, said, “I would NEVER go back to my 20’s! I was young and inexperienced. Now I am almost 50 and have learned so much about who I am. I am also more confident with the decisions I make, which means less regret later.”
What may seem even more surprising to some is that there were men who commented on my post and said that they prefer engaging conversations and relationships with women over 40. Most of the men who commented said that the confidence that a more mature woman exudes is far more attractive than the beauty of youth. (Well said, Gentlemen!)
What is your least favorite/most favorite thing about growing older?
I honestly expected to have more comments that reflected what people viewed as their least favorite part of aging. However, there were several more responses about the positive aspects ofaging. Women in their 40s and 50’s who responded said that, although there are some things about their physical appearances they would like to change, they were happy with themselves. Women in their mid to late 50’s and 60’s stated that they were enjoying more time and freedom.
What would you tell a younger version of yourself?
I probably could have written a book on this question myself without asking for opinions on social media. Once again, I was pleasantly surprised to see that few people had regrets. Rather they said that, given the chance, they would tell their younger selves to enjoy the little things, chase dreams instead of money, take care of your body, and love without limits.
I have enough experience both as a writer and as a nurse to know that things don’t always feel as easy as they sound. For that reason, I want to share some examples of how our bodies change and ways to feel confident in your own skin... No matter how many years you’ve been wearing it!
Diet and exercise have far-reaching, long-term effects.
While healthy eating and activity habits are encouraged from youth, it is never too late to begin a journey of good health. Understanding age-related changes in needs is the first step in achieving and maintaining better health. As women reach their 40’s, metabolism, which affects everything we do, begins to slow. Stretching and yoga, along with cardio exercises help to boost metabolism. Healthcare providers recommend that women spend 30-40 minutes 3-5 times weekly exercising. Eating a balanced diet with plenty of fruits and vegetables is also encouraged.
Skin Care
Because skin begins to lose its elasticity (ability to return to normal form) with age, a good skin care regimen is important. Using a good cleanser and facial moisturizer is one of the best things a woman can do as part of a skin care routine. Many dermatologists recommend using oil free, water based products, such as Vichy Aqualia. VICHY is considered one of the most popular anti-aging brands in European pharmacies.
Emotional Health
Many women spend time, especially in the evenings or at night, thinking and reflecting. Journaling is a good way to release thoughts and emotions. It helps promote self-awareness and to build self-confidence. Spending time with women the same age often creates an environment that allows women to share their thoughts and get positive feedback.
As always, I encourage anyone who is creating a plan for better health and wellness to consult with a healthcare provider before starting any new diet or exercise program. This will give you a chance to ask questions and set realistic goals with someone who is trained to help you and can help you track your progress.
More than anything, I hope that you will find inspiration onyour journey and learn to love yourself more each day. I hope that you come to the realization that age is just a number. You are so much more. You are the sum of every adventure, every dream, every thought and every moment you experience.
Look in that mirror and say, “Oh, there you are!” and then begin again. You are worth it!
